As Told By Hancock
by Beanstalks
Summary: What if Boa Hancock wrote fan fiction? Hopefully this story will give you perspective of what she's thinking of.
1. Chapter 1

One day the world's most beautiful woman was chilling on her boat with her two sisters and a bunch of ugly chicks.

The world's most beautiful girl was _very _pretty. She had long, straight ebony black hair the color of blazing charcoal. Her eyes showed the deep and tragic sorrow that she hid under her tough facade mask. Her skin was smooth and perfect without any flaws. She was thin enough to be anorexic but wasn't. Her breasts were large and she was tall and big. She had perfectly-shaped eyes that had a gleaming glint of love.

She had a dark and mysterious past. She was also the strongest and most beautiful woman. Her past was sad and depressing and left her with haunted memories that scarred her for life.

"Your Empress!" one of her crew members called out. "We have captured an intruder."

There was a boy in a cage. A _man_.

The girl gasped.

He had a straw hate made of straw. His eyes sparkled with the wild and untamed dreams of heroes. His eyes were round and milky-white. He had a touch scar of manlines under the moor of his left eye. He was muscular and probably could wrap his strong arms around her.

"I love you, my love," he told her. "I know because you are the most perfect being I have ever layed eyes on you."

The world's most beautiful woman with long, straight ebony black hair the blazing color of charcoal swooned.

Over the next three days the two had amazingly romantic and heart-felt dates on the shores of Amazon Lilly.

"I love you," he told her in a voice that was so alluring and interesting that Boa felt that she would faint from hearing any world that would deliciously fall from his mouth. "But I want to know about your terribly tragic tragic past."

"I will!" she cried out to her one and only unique true love.

She had a terrible past of angstiness, you see. It was very tragic and sad, and made her cry to think of the dark terribleness that haunted her for so many years. A story she held so closely in her heart and in her chest between her perfectly-shaped breasts that were round but knew she would only share with her true love. The girl told her one and only true lover about her tragically angsty and depressingly sad torment of her past.

When she was done her sisters ran to her.

"We are being attacked!" her sister said. Boa was slightly jealous of the amazingly fantastic silk dress with pink-and-yellow swirls on it and went up to her knees her sister had. But her love was so loving and caring that he told her it didn't matter what she wore, because she was perfect with or without clothes.

"The Marines are attacking!" her other sister said.

Well anyway, the girl took the boy to her glorious house-mansion with several girl curtains and railings and snake-themed attire.

The girl knew what she wanted to do with him. The most romantic thing in their world, something people only deeply in love (or those deeply depraved) did to the one they cared for.

They shook hands.

It was so amazing. Her body heated up with the love and tenderness they felt. She was glad no one saw, because this was so deeply personal of devious that it would shock the world. But she risked doing this and being unmarried, because she loved the boy so much that her heart slowly melted from the cold, icy prison it once was...into a harbinger of love and caring sentience.

He was so perfect that her body went all got and she felt so sick to be without him that it wasn't funny.

"We are being attacked!" her sister said. Boa was slightly jealous of the amazingly fantastic silk dress with pink-and-yellow swirls on it and went up to her knees her sister had. But her love was so loving and caring that he told her it didn't matter what she wore, because she was perfect with or without clothes.

"The Marines are attacking!" her other sister said.

"We must do something!" the girl said in a determined yet sensually feminine voice of confidence that made her sound like a tough flower.

Bravely, the girl, her sisters and her true loving love went to battle.


	2. Chapter 2

Anyway, the girl was perfectly running with her long, slender legs that were NOT fat at all, thank you very much!

But then the Marines were there.

"We need your assistance at Marineford," the Marine guy said. There were lot of Marine men doing Marine things on their Marine ship.

"Well, I will not go!' the girl cried out. "You Marines are horrible people, putting my loved one's loved ones in harm's way!"

"I will defend you, my love," her true love told her, bravely leaping before her and his muscular arms in front of her. He was so hot and attractive that she felt weak and faint.

"No, I will do it!" the girl cried out selflessly. "You need to rest, my love! We both have suffered too much, me especially. But I fight with love on my side!"

"You are so kind and sexy and so beautifully wonderful, my one and only truest true love!"

Bravely and fleet of foot, the girl jumped on to the ship in a _mighty_ leap! She then delivered a swift kick to the Marine in charge, turning him to stone because she was that hot and sexy! And wow!

She was such a good fighter that she knew her true love was so impressed her were great skill. The other Marines were ogling her like dirty dirty pigs in the dirt. She hated to be objectified; her truest true love as her one and only never did so! He appreciated her for her brilliant mind and pirating and leadership skills! She defeated all the Marines marinely.

Anyway, so she beat up all the Marines and turned them into Marine stone.

"Hey, girl, you were amazing!" her sisters said.

"Yeah," one one truest true love of her only one love of her live agreed. "You were so hot and sexy in that fight. I would love for you to join my crew as my wife and co-captain."

The girl gasped and nearly cried at the loving love and kindness her love was displaying! TO be on such a ship, with that much power and respect, stay a Shichibukai AND be with her true love?

"YES!" she girl cried out in a lyrical voice. "But first we must rescue your brother!"

"I don't care about him, or my crew! The only one in my like who matters... is you!"

OMG, it rhymed! He was so smart and talented as he was handsome and caring.

Anyway, the girl was so smokingly beautiful that even if she kicked a seal or a puppy, people would instantly forgive her because of her beauty. She wore the finest clothes and had a lot of power. And she was just the right weight but looked skinny enough to be underweight, but not in an anorexic way. Not that her love would care, because he would still love her even if she wasn't perfect. Which she was, PERFECT!

"You are perfect!" he said. "I love you so much! I need to feel your arms!"

She and her sisters gasped. This was very gold and dirty of him.

"I don't care if your sisters are watching, I want to shake hands! And maybe hug through cloth!"

Well, the girl would have slapped him if she wasn't in so much love that she would never, EVER have thought about it. So the girl carried him off to their grand new mansion of beautiful and was big. (He would have carried her like a knight, but she was perfectly strong enough and sexy enough, lol!)

She knew she would want to write this down some day!


	3. Chapter 3: The Best Dress Ever

So anyway, she was wearing this really pretty dress her sister Marigold picked out. It was really beautiful and showed off her ridiculously smooth and soft legs that were supple and firm like the morning dew of a cobra's flappy things.

So anyway, the dress was beautiful, but not as beautiful as her, because she was just that beautiful. It was a sexy midnight black with rhinestones and diamonds. It had fins from sea kings at the ends to add a showgirl-esque touch to her beautiful and slender form. A green yuda was designed on, wrapping around her body like a snake.

Anyway, she was so beautiful that the straw hat boy said to her, "Wow, you look beautiful, and not only do I know that you have a crush on me, I also reciprocate! You're so beautiful, and I would love you more than you love me if that were even possible!

"Why thank you!" she said, examining his mature and muscular form. It was glistening like when the sun shines on a window or something and it has that rainbow effect.

"Please tell me about your dress!" he said in his attractively deep dress.

"Well," she dressed. "I was dressed and all wearing this dress, see? It's incredibly beautiful and my sister picked it out for me.

"You see, I bought it at the store. Well, when I say that I bought it, I mean that I demanded I have it, so they gave it to me."

"Oh, how droll!" he applauded dressingly. It was a beautiful dress, "but not as pretty as you!"

It was really a pretty-ful dress: the sexy midnight black was so dark and shiny that no light could ever escape it's smooth and leathery surface. It was tight on her, but it showed off her form real well.

Though it did cut off some circulation at the chest.

"Thank you," she said sexily, both to her sexy one true love of love forever and ever and huggles, but also to her dress because it was so ridiculously beautiful and stylish that it gleamed off her impossibly beautiful body and stuff.

"You are so amazing and sexy and I want to hold your hand," he said.

"You naughty boy!" she laughed in a sexy and clear voice that matched her dress dressily.

"Your dress is so amazing!"

The dress was very formal and elegant, one of those a person would save their money for all their life. It showed off her supple breasts that were so round that they were not square. It was tight, but she knew that it was strong enough to wear in battle and know it would not rip.

Not that she would wear it in battle, lest it might get dusty.

"Let's talk about your dress," he said. "I'd ask you to make some sweet, sloppy food for me all night long, but you might dirty your lovely, lovely dress that in no way overshadows your unending youth and beauty. So instead, let's talk about your needs. Anyone you dislike?"

She gasped. She was so happy to have that dress.


	4. Chapter 4: The Best Romance Ever

The beautiful girl was so beautiful and elegant that everybody loved her. She was very modest about her beauty and kindness and absolute skills in battle that everyone loved her unconditionally, even when she kicked that dachshund-tank thing! She was just that amazing.

So anyway, she and her absolutely beloved beloved who was so handsome and kind were discussing whether they should have a baby.

"I think it's a good idea," he said with a suave and sexy voice. "You're so beautiful and perfect that having a child will not ruin your beautiful physique, my one and only precious whom I love more than some dumb treasure and crew of women that are not you."

"That's a wonderful idea, and a good way to express our love!" she said wordily, using pretty words in a sophisticated manner. "But we should get married first!"

"But...how do you have a baby?"  
She was shocked. The act of baby-making was very mysterious in their world.

"I know!" she said as she got another brilliant idea from her even more brilliant mind. "Let's ask that old lady"

"Good idea! Even though she is nowhere near your beauty, and could never match your enormous intelligence! And later, we can go shopping, and I'll give you a massage and listen to you talk about your day!"

So then they visited that wise old lady who took care of her and her sisters.

You see, she had a real tragic past, but she didn't want to talk about it now because it was so tragic and add depth to her deem and romantic character.

"Okay, I will explain the mating process," the lady said. "First, Hancock, you both get close."

She and her beloved nodded.

"And you...Well, you see where I am going with this, don't you?"

"No," the two said romantically in their flirtatious confusion."

"Haha. Seriously?"

"Um..."

"Joke's over, guys."

"..."

"Oh my. You guys really don't know how-"

"I will figure it out!" she said with a brave voice, grabbing her beloved by his muscular arm and running out of the lady's house which was not as nice as her glorious mansion thing and stuff. "Do not question my all-knowing intelligence!"

"Yeah!" he added in an erudite manner.

So the two beautiful and totally in love people who were not out to save the guy's brother or find treasure or look for two ugly and non-beautifullike her women went to her room and got ready.

"What now?" he asked her.

"Now we do it!" she said. "I believe I feed you until you are full."

"Great idea, my love! And then what?"

"Then, like all females, I lay my eggs, you fertilize them, and we swim upstream."

"Good idea, my most wonderful and wise love!"

She tried to lay an egg, but couldn't.

"This is complicated!"

"I have an idea!" he said intelligently, because he was very intelligent. "First you make me a nice meal, then we brush our teeth, go to school, and focus on our careers and believe in the power of friendship!"

"You are so wise!" she called out elegantly.

"Let's go on a romantic boat ride somewhere, just you and me!"

"But I cannot abandon my land and my sisters."

"They can come too. But it will be our romantic time. Maybe we'll get married afterwards."

"Hooray! I'll start packing."


End file.
